


Don't Laugh

by Asexual_Enjolras



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Acephobia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Asexual Remus Lupin, Asexuality, Bisexual Sirius Black, F/M, Gay Remus Lupin, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hurt Remus Lupin, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Marauders' Era, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Young Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:17:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17517698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asexual_Enjolras/pseuds/Asexual_Enjolras
Summary: James Potter and Lily Evans may be taking their relationship to the next level. Or so James hopes, and that gets Sirius thinking about himself and Remus. Remus has absolutely no interest in the matter whatsover, though he's never told Sirius that out of fear that he would just laugh at him.So when Sirius attempts to do so, Remus freezes and panics and runs away. Feeling stupid, he speaks to Lily about his problems with sex. And then he confronts Sirius.And he soon learns that just being honest gets you a lot further than keeping things to yourself.





	Don't Laugh

**Author's Note:**

> I love, love, love asexual Remus Lupin. And I love the idea of a bisexual Sirius Black being completely unaware of it. 
> 
> So here's my little drabble about just that.

James' voice was quiet as he sat on his bed in the bedroom that he shared with his three best friends. Peter lay on the floor, as he often sometimes did, with his legs up on his bed. And Sirius lay at the bottom of Remus' bed, where the ash blonde Marauder sat cross legged with a book in his hand. This was their last year at Hogwarts and he wanted to make the most of his studies, he had explained to the others. And they were already more than half way through the year.

"Lily told me that she was ready." 

"Oh yeah, ready for what?" Peter sat up slightly so that he could eye James' face. James shrugged. He didn't know what she meant. 

"Oh, she's a dirty dog." Sirius sniggered, his mind filling with trash. James threw his pillow to him, making the other boy jump up to catch it.

"The only dog here is you, you prat." James snarled. "I am sure she doesn't mean that, does she?" 

"What?" Peter asked, unaware of the turn in topic. Remus chose to remain oblivious to the conversation, out of personal choice. 

"Of course she doesn't mean that." Sirius said, seriously now. "This is Lily damn Evans we are talking about." He curled around the bottom of the bed. "Lily Evans, who repressed her feelings for you for seven damn years and who has only just decided to let you into her heart." He continued, making James grow flustered. "There is absolutely no way she was insinuating that she would have sex with you." 

Peter's eyes grew wide, realising then what they were talking about now. 

"No, of course not." James shrugged. 

"Unless all those years have made her super horn-"

"Do not even finish that sentence, Sirius." Remus warned, putting his book down at last. He glared at the boy at the bottom of his bed with dismay. Sirius smirked, resoluting his usual cheek. 

"Sorry, Moony." He winked. Remus rolled his eyes in response, turning away and closing his eyes. "You alright, Rem?" 

"'M fine." Was the response that Sirius received and it didn't sit well with him. He stared up at Remus with furrowed brows and chewed the inside of his mouth. 

"Hey Pads, do you really think she might have meant that?" James asked, bringing Sirius' attention back to him. 

"Huh?" He looked to James to see him glaring at him expectantly. "Oh, how am I supposed to know?"

"People are difficult to read in this regard." Peter said, in a mousy volume. 

"Yeah, they are." James sighed. "Padfoot, you've slept with girls before, how do you know when they're ready?" 

It was no secret that Sirius had lost his virginity. Their entire year had found out in Potions class when Aretha Jones' love potion smelt of wet dog and firewhiskey. She had been spouting about how she loved this person because he treated her like a real 'princess' in bed. Sirius never discussed it. 

It made Remus' stomach churn horrendously whenever he thought about it. 

"Hey, Remus." Sirius crawled up to the top of the bed beside Remus, practically on top of him. A small huff was all the taller boy said in return. "What's going on with you?" 

"I said - 'm fine." He repeated himself, his eyes looked dark. He looked positively exhausted; exhausted of the topic of sexual activity. 

"Look, Moony, I have explained it to you tine and time again. It meant nothing, okay?" Sirius said, honestly.

"I'm just tired, let me sleep. Please." He pushed Sirius away, making the other boy roll onto the floor. Sirius' eyebrows met in the middle as he picked himself up from the floor and made his way to his own bed. He huffed as he sat down. 

"What's it like?" Peter asked, breaking the tension that was building in the air. Sirius turned to look at him. 

"It's good, yeah." He said, no particular enthusiasm in his voice. "I expect it'll be better when you do it with someone that you love." He looked over to Remus to see that the other boy had turned to face the wall. 

James smirked down at his feet. Remus and Sirius were smitten with each other. And had been seeing each other in secret since the fifth year. The only person that didn't know about it was Peter. Sirius had confided in James about his feelings for their friend in the fourth year, though he had always had a special attraction to him since their second. Nothing at all had changed for them since Sirius declared his love for Remus. They were still just best friends, who sometimes snuggled, and hugged, and went on dates alone, and kissed. 

"So James will be in heaven with Lily then?" Peter clapped, finally getting up from the floor and tucking himself into bed. 

"Yeah, I suppose he will be." Sirius smiled over to James. James took his glasses off and snuggled into his blankets, his slender figure cocooned in them. 

"I doubt it'll happen anytime soon." James said. "Sadly." 

"The right moment will come." Peter said, his innocence rendering in his words. "And it will be perfect." 

"I can't wait for the day. It'll really make our relationship real." 

Remus shook his head in the dark. Sex did not make a relationship real. He and Sirius were evidence of that. They were in love and that's all that really mattered, right? To Remus it did.

***

Sirius ran his fingers through Remus' hair, removing the draping fringe from his face so that he could see every perfect feature on his face. He pulled him closer to him, smiling. 

"We have this entire room to ourselves for a whole two hours." 

Remus smiled in return, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder. 

"Alone, Moony." He repeated, "for two hours." 

"Yes, you have said." 

"Do I have to spell it out to you?" Sirius bit the other boy's lip playfully. "An hour-" He placed his hand on Remus' leg. "And another." He moved it higher up, making Remus tense up. "Do you understand what that means - what we could do?" He ran his fingers to the zip of Remus' trousers.

"Sirius - no." Remus grumbled, trying to pull away. 

"Oh, come on. Two years is long enough, right? I love you, and you love me-"

"I said no, Sirius." 

Remus pulled away, backing into the wall. 

"Look, Moony, I don't care about your scars. I have them too. Look." Sirius pulled the bottom of his shirt up and grabbed Remus' hand, guiding him to the places that were scarred from his family's cruel punishments. He had always been aware that Remus was conscious about his scars. But he had never once thought that he would be uncomfortable around him. He never assumed that he had allowed that feeling to ever cross into their friendship. 

Remus pulled his hand away, sighing heavily. He looked so soft and Sirius wanted nothing more than to hold him close to his body and cherish him.

"It isn't that, Sirius." Remus said, deadpan. His tone was serious. And it made Sirius shiver. He had never seen Remus be so condescending about anything in relation to him. Sirius tried to move closer, holding his hand out to the taller boy. "Please, no." 

Of course, he was aware that Remus got emotionally distant before and just after the change. He had known him long enough to know how to deal with the transformation process. But the full moon was a whole three weeks away and he didn't have any idea what could have brought any of this on. Remus was being exceptionally withdrawn. And it had caused Sirius to worry more than he ever had about his friend. 

"What is it then, Remus?" Sirius asked. "Have I done something to hurt you?" 

Remus' chest ached. Of course Sirius hadn't done anything wrong. He had been perfect, as always. He had been respectful and had been sweet and loving. He had been perfectly Sirius. But his head was spinning from the things that James had said, and he internally scolded himself for letting it get to him so much. 

"I - I - I don't want that." He shook his head, shivering at the mere thought of what Sirius was expecting of him. 

Sirius frowned, confused. 

"Why not? We are in a relationship, aren't we?" 

Remus shook his head, unable to breathe. His chest felt tight. He expected this day to come one day, but he didn't ever expect it to be so soon. He thought things were fine the way they were. They had a good relationship as it was without needing to do that. That was why Remus loved their relationship so much. 

"I just - I'm sorry." He excused himself, racing out of the room, leaving Sirius to wonder what the hell he did wrong. 

***

"He just - left." Sirius explained, feeling a dull ache in his chest. "I didn't want to scare him, or mean to pressure him." 

James tried his best to soothe his friend. He sat opposite him on his bed, unsure of what to say or to advise. Moony was a unique person with unique needs and nobody knew him better than Sirius. Or Lily. But Sirius would hardly want James to ask her because she had no idea about them two. This was their secret. 

"Look mate, he'll come round." James tried. Sirius shook his head.

"No, I really startled him." 

"This is Remus we're talking about - he'll come round, I'm sure of it." 

Sirius nodded, but he wasn't so sure. Remus had never looked so hurt or controlled. He looked down right betrayed. And the worst thing about it all was that Sirius had absolutely no idea why. Or what he had supposedly done to upset him. 

"Sirius Black." He jumped up. "You fool, you utter fool." Lily stood in their bedroom doorway, making James leap up from his bed to try and tidy. "You really are useless, aren't you?" 

"Excuse me?" Sirius tilted his head, lost. 

"You've really done it this time. Honestly, everytime I think that you've done the stupidest thing you always find a way to top it." She brushed the stray red hairs from her face and crossed her arms.

"How did you even get up here?" Sirius' face scrunched up. They had put a charm of those stairs to stop this exact scenario ever happening. "And what are you talking about?"

Sirius caught James' eyes.

"Oh, you git." He growled. 

"What?" James shrugged. Lily rolled her eyes.

"This has nothing to do with him." She threw James a quick glance. "This is about Remus." 

"You bloody bastard! You said you never told her-"

"For crying out loud, Sirius! Remus told me, you utter idiot." Lily continued with the insults, making Sirius grow more frustrated by the second. 

"Remus-"

"Yes, in fifth year. I thought you would have figured out how he went from being completely useless at relationship stuff to being somewhat alright."

"You - you taught him that?" James' voice cracked. Sirius spun around to throw a pillow at his head. 

"Shut up, Prongs!" He scorned. "You taught him stuff?" 

"Of course I did." Lily walked further into the room. "Gosh, it stinks in here." She moaned. "It may have escaped your notice completely but Remus isn't the most confident person." 

"Oh, no, we know that." James said.

"Shut up, James." 

James huffed and sat down in his chair, deciding it was better not to argue with Lily or Sirius when they were in this sort of mood. 

"You have to go and speak to him, God." She said. "He's so shaken. What were you thinking?"

"I just thought-"

"No, no!" She pointed her finger in his face. "You didn't think at all, that's your main problem."

"I - I'm completely lost."

"You never once thought to ask of Remus even wanted to sleep with you." She said. "Do I have to spell it out to you?" 

"No, it's okay." Remus said, walking into the room with his arms wrapped around himself. Sirius looked at him with sad eyes, feeling completely guilt ridden. "Thank you, Lils. But I can take it from here."

Lily was reluctant to leave them alone. Sirius was an idiot. And she didn't want him to mess this up. She loved seeing Remus so happy. Lily grabbed James' hand and pulled him out of the room. He mouthed a quick 'good luck' before Lily locked the stairs again. 

Sirius stood in silence, afraid to say or do the wrong thing. 

"I'm sorry for running out on you." Remus said. He looked innocently lost. Sirius remained quiet. "I should have spoken to you, and I'm sorry." 

"No, I'm sorry." 

"Please, let me explain." Remus held his hand out to Sirius. Sirius nodded and took hold of his hand, sitting down with him on the floor. "Please promise you won't laugh. You can do anything else. You can end this and want nothing else to do with me after I say this but, please, promise you won't tease me." 

Sirius grew afraid, Remus' tone of voice was far too serious. He felt a shiver run down his spine. And nodded. 

"I promise." Sirius said, stroking his finger across Remus' hand. 

"Thank you." Remus smiled, slightly. It wasn't a full smile. It wasn't the smile that filled Sirius with joy. He loved seeing Remus smile. He adored it. With all his heart. Everytime. Without fail. When Remus smiled, to Sirius, it felt like nothing could be wrong with the world. "I should have told you a while ago. But I grew afraid. Now is the time, though. It has to be now." 

Sirius nodded again, starting to feel sick to his stomach. This was heart rendering. He was thinking the worst. What if Remus wanted to end it with him? Anf that was why he ran when they were about to get intimate? He didn't love him. He hated him. Or something worse. He just didn't like him. At all. For no reason. He was just playing on his feelings. 

"Sirius, I don't want to have sex." He said, plainly. He swallowed all of his fear and stated it. Plainly. 

Sirius stared at him, blankly. Remus looked close to tears, like this statement was make or break for the entire world. And to him it was. Sirius was confused and lost and his head was spinning. He wanted to express how stupid Remus was being. How sex didn't matter at all to him if it would make Remus uncomfortable, how he wasn't even that much of a fan of sexual activity. 

But instead he let out a small snigger. 

He couldn't stop himself. It was absolutely absurd. Sirius could not stop himself from laughing. And then Remus' heart broke and he let tears fall from his eyes, unable to stop them. He could feel his entire world falling apart at just the sound of Sirius laughing at him. It hurt more than anything. It hurt more than the first time he transformed, more than the first time he hurt someone. It hurt more than anything in the world and he felt completely and utterly betrayed and numb. 

Sirius stopped laughing then. 

"Moony-"

Remus out his hand up and shook his head, trying his best to contain his emotions. He felt so broken. So numb. And let out a small whimper. A whimper that broke Sirius' heart. 

"Moony-"

"No, Sirius." He sobbed. "You - you said you wouldn't laugh. I already feel stupid enough. I had to explain all of this to Lily. I didn't want to tell you. It's ridiculous, I know. Who doesn't want to have sex? Who wouldn't want that?" He felt so weak. "It's stupid. I'm stupid. And I was so close to just going through with it. To please you. But I couldn't. Shit, why couldn't I just have done that? I should have just done it." 

Sirius continued to stare at him. 

"I'm glad you didn't." He said. 

"You laughed at me, Sirius. I don't think you understand what that means." 

"I'm not laughing at you, Remus." Sirius' voice was bear of emotion. 

"Yes, yes you are." Remus grumbled in self pity. "And I don't blame you. I'm a fool. I'm not normal." 

"Neither am I." Sirius shrugged, still gripping Remus' hand tight. He felt like his hand was about to drop off. But he couldn't let go. "Remus, look at me." 

Remus did so, not strong enough to turn away. 

"I'm not laughing at you. I'm sorry." He said. "I'm laughing at you-"

"Thanks." 

"Let me finish, Moony." 

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. 

"I'm not ever going to put you into a position where you are not comfortable, do you hear me? Not once." Sirius said, cupping his face in his hands and wiping the tears from his eyes. "I will wait until you are completely ready, okay?" 

Remus pulled away again. 

"You're not understanding me." 

He cried again, his voice breaking. 

"I won't ever be ready. I don't want to ever have sex. Do you understand that? I'm a monster-"

"No. You are not a monster." Sirius' voice was desperate. He was desperate to make Remus understand that. He had been desperate for him to understand that since they first met. 

"I don't mean because of this." He pointed at the scars on his face. "I am not normal. I never want to have sex. Ever." 

Sirius let the words sink in. And he thought he understood a little. 

"Ever?" 

"Ever." 

Silence. A horrid, deathly silence fell over the pair of them as they stared at one another. Remus tried to succumb the sobs. But he couldn't stop fretting. He was thinking the worst. Sirius could never be with him now. He was a mess. There was something wrong with him. 

"I don't care." Sirius broke the silence.

"No, don't do this. I won't let you do this to yourself."

"Remus. Listen to me." He shuffled closer. "I do not care about that." He said, wiping the tears from his cheeks again. "At all. Not if it means losing you." 

Remus let out a cry again. 

"I'm telling you, Moony. I love you. I love you. I love you more than anything. You are my love. And I love you." 

"Good speech." 

"I'll work on it before our wedding." Sirius smirked. 

"Wedding?"

"What? Do you not think we'll be together forever?" 

Remus snorted a laugh. 

"You really don't care?" 

"No, you mean more to me than anything. And if you change your mind one day then I'm fine with that too." Remus went to protest but Sirius placed his finger to his lips. "And it would be even better if you don't. You are unique and you are mine and I bloody love you, do you hear me?" 

He threw a kiss onto his lips, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. 

"Do you bloody understand that?" 

"I do." Remus said.

"Please don't think anything will ever change how I feel about you." 

Remus nodded, feeling even more stupid now.

"And you're not missing out on anything." 

"I have you, how could I be?" 

Remus smirked, making Sirius' heart flutter. It really was the best sight. 

"Can I just - can I ask why?" Sirius asked, once the pair of them lay down in Remus' bed. 

Remus shrugged.

"I don't really know." He said. "I just don't like it." 

Sirius nuzzled his face into the crook of Remus' neck and took in his scent. 

"That's fine with me."

"I don't deserve you." 

"You deserve all the love in the world. You are too pure." He fell into the spare space of Remus' oversized jumper and relished in the moment. "Too pure." 

Remus planted a sly snog onto Sirius' lips, giving him a light love bite.

"Not that pure." He teased. 

Sirius laughed, holding Remus close to his body as he pulled the duvet over the pair of them. 

James and Lily grinned at the sight as they entered the room.

"It's about time they got together." Peter mouthed as he entered the room. James sniggered. 

"Actually, we've been together almost two years." 

"I know." Peter winked. "Remus told me." 

Sirius gave Remus a small slap under the duvet.

"What? He's our best friend." 

"I know but-"

"You told James." 

"And you told Lily." 

"Who else knows?" Remus frowned. 

"Nobody. Just our small group." 

Lily laughed, shaking her head. 

"Oh, no, I'm not part of this." 

"Of course you are, you're one of us." Sirius smirked, clutching Remus' hand under the duvet.

"Speaking of - there's a spare bed in here if you want to spend the night with us." James said. 

"Maybe another time." Lily scruffed his hair, planting a small kiss onto his cheek before leaving the room.

Peter laughed. 

"Only me left then." 

"You'll find someone." Remus said. "We all have soulmates."

"You've already found yours."

***

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you have any comments or questions, please feel free to message me.


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